Riding Out the Storm

Well, my dear husband is going through another one of his dark phases. I hate when they happen. I'm finally figuring out that the best thing to do is to stay out of his way in order to keep from being the object of his wrath and just ride it out until it passes. I think the whole family has figured that out. Even Josiah said to me, "he needs medication". Well, what are ya gonna do? He doesn't think he needs meds. Most people that are around him for any length of time and see him go through these phases think he does. But I can't change that he won't get some. I can just stay out of his way....and keep taking my own meds. lol

I used to react to every little moody thing he did and take each incident at face value. That ALWAYS made things worse because I am good at taking things to the next level and upping the drama. But now I'm learning to see the bigger picture. He's moody. He's unhappy with himself. He likes to think it's everyone else's fault (when he's like this). It makes it harder for me, though. I have to act as if he isn't here as far as teamwork goes. I don't feel comfortable leaving the kids with him. Not because I'm worried he'll hurt them but because I feel like they will be left largely unsupervised. He has a bad habit of not paying attention.....of getting caught up in his computer games or tv shows or sleeping on the sofa.... He lost track of Liam a couple of weeks ago and I was livid. I had to flag down an MP that was driving down our street to help me look for him. When I was telling him what happened, and giving him a description of Liam, I told him that if anything happened to my little boy, they better take his father into custody for his own safety because I was going to kill him. And don't ya know that a couple hours after Liam was found, I went to the store briefly, came back, said "where's the kids?', he says upstairs watching tv and really they were across the street at the park!! ARGH!

So I just stay out of his way and don't talk to him. It keeps me from crying when he's harsh or cold towards me. It also keeps me from reacting in a hostile way and fueling his darkness. More than anything else, I want the kids to have a nurturing home. If at times I have to provide that by myself, well so be it.