paranoia or instincts?

I've been looking over the forum at Divorce Busters and reading some sad stories. But I got to thinking after I read one person's advice. "The man" has been so hell bent on me getting a job, belittling me, withholding money so that I can't cover expenses, etc. I thought that was strange because he was supportive of me being a SAHM and agreed that it was the best thing for the children. Then it occurred to me today after reading something: I have been a SAHM for 7 yrs. If I get a job now, I won't qualify anymore for spousal support (alimony). DING! light bulb moment. So now, I am more determined than ever to make things work to take care of my kids WITHOUT getting a job. I was starting to fall under the guilt and thinking I was lazy and wanting to be "taken care of" like he was accusing. But now, I get it.

I used to tell him that it was much cheaper to keep me than to get rid of me. He is seeing how his actions are hitting his wallet and he is trying his best to escape unscathed, financially. Too bad.

Another thing that I thought of today: I mentioned in an email that I had had phone sex with someone recently but nothing else. He was really bent out of shape about it and kept after me in texting and on the phone. I thought that was odd considering how many umpteen times he's cheated on me (including the girl he was seeing when he moved out in November) and how I have been absolutely the picture of faithfulness our whole marriage. He seemed really upset. Then it occurred to me. If he can trump up some adultery accusations on me, he can get out of spousal support. I don't know if phone sex is considered adultery but we are separated.

I'm back to totally not trusting him. For a couple of days, he "seemed" to let his guard down and has been nice, even telling me he missed me, too, etc. But now I'm thinking it was all a ruse. He had said a week ago that after pay day, he had a phone consult with a lawyer. I wonder if this was all part of that?

Oh well, I think it's time for me to "go dark" and avoid contact as much as possible. I really let my guard down with him and I need to step back again.