here we go again

out of the blue, he says he doesn't want to be married to me anymore and he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and he wants a divorce. he was calm when he said it and seemed very sure of himself. we've been getting along pretty well, just enjoyed a good thanksgiving and visit with my sisters. had a small argument yesterday but nothing earth shattering. we both said some things and I told him that if he couldn't adjust his attitude that he needed to leave. I tried everything to communicate with him and find out why he was mad but he wouldn't let me in. finally, I had had enough and told him to leave. he grabbed the car keys and I asked for them back, removing the house key. I told him that if he was going to leave and go wherever it is he goes, that I didn't want him coming back in this house. he packed a suitcase and left. then he said all that stuff today. no matter what I said, he wouldn't change his mind. then he packed more stuff. so I helped him by packing his stuff, too. he said he doesn't have much storage, then complained how cold it is where he has to sleep (supposedly at the Battery). yeah right. he was too obvious.

he started a myspace acct recently that he keeps private. he also changed the password on his email acct. I've walked in while he's on chat boards and sometimes he closes the window. I've told him that I want to see his myspace page but he refuses. he said he wasn't doing anything wrong but that I would be mad at what I saw. I know he's doing it again. he's so freaking predictable. too many things are adding up especially when he starts shutting me out.

I went to pick up Josiah from driver's ed tonight then went (with all the kids) to the Bible study at the Chapel. we're studying Titus 2 in a book called, Feminine Appeal. it's a good book. I had the ladies pray for this situation. I want to do what is best for my children. with Josiah being in high school and having his first girlfriend (and from a mother's point of view, she's a rare find, she has it all, I really like her.....surprisingly for me. lol), I want to tread delicately. I don't want to stay in the fayetteville area. I want to go back home to my family for support. Not sure how I'll support us. I'll definitely go for the full child support. I am being forced out of my "job" as a stay at home mother and it will adversely affect my children's quality of living. They will not only be losing the constant presence and involvement of one parent but of both parents, as well. Yeah, I think I hate him for that. He leaves for school in Feb until July. I hope we can stay in this house until the school year is over but I don't know if I can handle being around him acting like this, knowing how wrong and confused he is and especially if he's seeing someone.

When we got home, he was gone. I had asked if I needed to drop him off anywhere and he said he'd walk (with 2 bags full of clothes in the pouring down rain?). I suspect he had someone come pick him up and my gut fears it was a female.

When we walked in and Livvy saw that he wasn't here, she cried and said, Mommy I miss Daddy. Liam is having trouble at night and both had trouble in school today. I hate what he's doing to the kids. But as for me? I feel a strange sense of relief. I love him but I hate the mood swings and uncertainty. I am convinced that he has bipolar disorder or something similar.