Tuesday, November 27, 2007

sad but gaining strength

He's still gone. I have a strange mix of sadness and relief mixed with hope. Odd. I think this time next year, I will feel better. It's just that I know that the transition time is going to be a hard one to navigate. There is a tremendous responsibility on me to do as much damage control for the children. I have to tell myself that I can collapse a year from now when we are through to the other side but for now, I must be as strong as I can possibly be. I must cry in private and I must keep things going as normal....schedules, family time, etc.

Just checked the LES. The net pay is $33.73. Lovely government debts. How can they be so heartless. I am going to call the chaplain and see if he will put my kids on a toys for tots list or something. It breaks my heart to hear them watching tv saying, ooh, I want that for Christmas, Mommy. I just smile but inside my heart is breaking.

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