ugh

My husband hates me. I'm pretty sure that there isn't anyone else on the face of this earth that he dislikes more than me. Yup, pretty much can't stand everything about me. We are so incredibly incompatible, it's ridiculous. We're not fighting right now. At least we've "matured" past that. No, we just don't talk most of the time. It is very uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as yelling at each other. At least the kids don't have to hear that and be afraid. It's the great big elephant in the room.....our love relationship is dead but we keep going through the motions. Not going through the motions with each other, there's nothing left there. But just going through the motions of everyday living, only using the sparsest amount of words with each other to get by. I try to touch him or hug him and he tells me to stop. He's been sleeping on the couch for a couple of months now. Last week, he disappeared in the middle of night for a few hours, coming home in the morning. I ask where he was, he says, "what do you care?". Yup, this is all starting to sound familiar. This time last year, he had that whore he met in a game and spend tons of hours talking to on the phone and online, probably in person, too, since she lives in NC. I don't want to think that is going on again. I actually almost feel too numb to care what he does with his personal time. There's no romance between us. Maybe he's right. What do I care who he spends time with. What I do care about is the preservation of this family. I will come against anything that threatens that. He doesn't love me or respect me, I get that. But I put up with the absence of love from a man in order for my children to live with both parents. I know he doesn't want me the way a man should want a woman, as a partner, a lover, a friend. But I try to keep it together so my children have both parents. Yeah, I'm sacrificial like that. Or stupid. No, I have to do it for my kids. He doesn't love me. I can't change that. I've tried but there's only so much giving and going out of ones way to care for someone (who doesn't reciprocate) that someone can take. He doesn't do anything for me. I've lost my motivation to do anything for him anymore.